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Please review my rule book for my first game.

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rsvj
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Joined: 07/21/2014

Could someone please review the rule book for my first game? I've spent a lot of time documenting the rules. I need some other eyes to look at it and let me know what they think. Suggestions are very appreciated!

I'm new to BGDF so if this isn't the right place then I'm sorry.

let-off studios
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Joined: 02/07/2011
Rules Feedback

Hi there! Looks like you have a fun card & dice game here. I have a few questions based on my read-through:
- How does the game end? Since the players reshuffle the Encounter Deck, what signifies when the players escape or win or whatever?
- Furthermore, I wasn't completely clear with the objective of the game. It seems to me like endurance is the main goal here: make it to the "end." But when I couldn't see a final objective, and especially when I read that the Encounter Deck is reshuffled, I had no idea with the winning/ending condition may be. Maybe list this explicitly - so there's no question about it - as part of the introductory flavor text?
- How do the Encounter Level Up cards affect the game? Is there a set of instructions for how they work? Maybe these are the key to ending the game successfully...
- I assume that the Ability Cards are a way for players to more effectively interact with one another. Is this a co-op game, a co-op/competitive game, or a competitive game?
- If it is co-op, is there a way for players to share equipment with one another? I imagine that phase 3 of a turn could allow players to trade, swap, or otherwise move around equipment.

I like the idea that each player has a hex tile and can place certain items in certain places. It gives a nice visual cue as to what a player has on them, and how effective they may be in a given encounter.

Hope these suggestions and questions were useful! Best of success with your game. :)

anonymousmagic
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Joined: 11/06/2013
Notes by anonymousmagic

Hello rsvj,

I read the entire document and scribbled way too many notes on it to mention them all, but here are the major points: 1) The intro says your goal is to survive the Labyrintheus and become one of the King's Champions, but you never explain how much treasure you have to collect or how many monsters you have to slay to reach that goal. So my first suggestion would be is to clearly mark the goal.

2) You go into details before you explain what players do. Put the turn order upfront.

3) The "treasure chest" had me confused. I read "treasure card" and wondered how they would end up in the encounter deck.

4) You have a lot of repetition. Consider using "If the encounter deck or the treasure deck runs out, shuffle the appropriate discards and make a new pile." This reduces nearly two paragraphs to a single sentence. The same goes for the "Fight It" and "Avoid it" sections. You can avoid repetition by explaining what happens if you fail in a separate section and refer to that one text.

5) Consistency: In "Fight it" you refer to Health. In "Avoid it" you mention Hit points. You need consistent terminology.

6) I've found a lot of spelling and grammar errors in your rules. Too many to mention them all. Here are a few:

-"Those who survive, live on to become one of the King's chosen few, the King's Champions." (missing apostrophes added)

-"Those who do not survive, aren’t heard from ever again." (typo)

-"If you no health tokens remaining then congratulations your suffering is over." (misspelled possessive corrected)

-"During either your Prep or Cleanup phase, lay the Treasure card down in the appropriate inventory space, protruding from your Persona Tile." (unnecessary word removed)

-"It must be equipped for the first effect to take place." ("affect" is a verb; an effect is what you meant.)

I hope you find some of this nitpicking helpful :)

rsvj
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Joined: 07/21/2014
Awesome feedback! Thank you!

Awesome feedback! Thank you!

let-off studios wrote:

- How does the game end? Since the players reshuffle the Encounter Deck, what signifies when the players escape or win or whatever?

The game ends when the there is one player left alive. That player is the winner.

let-off studios wrote:

- Furthermore, I wasn't completely clear with the objective of the game. It seems to me like endurance is the main goal here: make it to the "end." But when I couldn't see a final objective, and especially when I read that the Encounter Deck is reshuffled, I had no idea with the winning/ending condition may be. Maybe list this explicitly - so there's no question about it - as part of the introductory flavor text?

Will do, I think you are right. We need to better express this at the front of the guide.

let-off studios wrote:

- How do the Encounter Level Up cards affect the game? Is there a set of instructions for how they work? Maybe these are the key to ending the game successfully...

I guess we do need to expand on how these work. Thanks for the catch! If you really want to know, each time you draw one you place it to the side. For every Encounter Level Up card you get you add 1 to the defense, damage and skill check of any further encounter card. So if there are 3 Level Up cards out that 1 damage 3 defense monster becomes a 4 damage 6 defense monster.

let-off studios wrote:

- I assume that the Ability Cards are a way for players to more effectively interact with one another. Is this a co-op game, a co-op/competitive game, or a competitive game?

It is a competitive game, but not in the sense of magic. You don't outright attack each other. Well, there is a PVP arena card you can add in but that's something else. You get an edge up on your competition by resetting traps and redirecting the turn orders.

let-off studios wrote:

- If it is co-op, is there a way for players to share equipment with one another? I imagine that phase 3 of a turn could allow players to trade, swap, or otherwise move around equipment.

Interseting idea there, thank you. I'll have to think on that. There is a variant rule we playtest with sometime where there is a loot system for whenever another player dies. Player with the least Health gets first dibs of the dead players stuff.

let-off studios wrote:

I like the idea that each player has a hex tile and can place certain items in certain places. It gives a nice visual cue as to what a player has on them, and how effective they may be in a given encounter.

Thank you!

let-off studios wrote:

Hope these suggestions and questions were useful! Best of success with your game. :)

Again, many thanks! You have been very helpful.

rsvj
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Joined: 07/21/2014
anonymousmagic wrote:Hello

anonymousmagic wrote:
Hello rsvj,

I read the entire document and scribbled way too many notes on it to mention them all, but here are the major points:
1) The intro says your goal is to survive the Labyrintheus and become one of the King's Champions, but you never explain how much treasure you have to collect or how many monsters you have to slay to reach that goal. So my first suggestion would be is to clearly mark the goal.


Hello anonymousmagic! It's a player elimination game. Last player left alive wins! I will make sure this clearer in the description.

Quote:

2) You go into details before you explain what players do. Put the turn order upfront.

Ok.

Quote:

3) The "treasure chest" had me confused. I read "treasure card" and wondered how they would end up in the encounter deck.

The Encounter Deck consists of Monster, Trap and Treasure Chest Cards. The Treasure Chest Cards tell you to draw 1 to 2 cards from the Treasure Deck. So do you think this needs to be spelled out in the rules then?

Quote:

4) You have a lot of repetition. Consider using "If the encounter deck or the treasure deck runs out, shuffle the appropriate discards and make a new pile." This reduces nearly two paragraphs to a single sentence. The same goes for the "Fight It" and "Avoid it" sections. You can avoid repetition by explaining what happens if you fail in a separate section and refer to that one text.

Yes, my major flaw when writing rules. You should have seen it before my countless edits. :) Cutting this down will also help with my original goal for this rule sheet to be just 2 pages. Every space counts! Thank you!

Quote:

5) Consistency: In "Fight it" you refer to Health. In "Avoid it" you mention Hit points. You need consistent terminology.

Opps. Thanks for the catch.

Quote:

6) I've found a lot of spelling and grammar errors in your rules. Too many to mention them all. Here are a few:

-"Those who survive, live on to become one of the King**'**s chosen few, the King**'**s Champions." (missing apostrophes added)

-"Those who do not survive, aren’t heard from **ever** again." (typo)

-"If you no health tokens remaining then congratulations
**your** suffering is over." (misspelled possessive corrected)

-"During either your Prep or Cleanup phase, lay the
Treasure card down in the appropriate inventory space, **protruding from** your Persona Tile." (unnecessary word removed)

-"It must be equipped for the first **effect** to take place." ("affect" is a verb; an effect is what you meant.)

I hope you find some of this nitpicking helpful :)


I find all of it very helpful, thank you! Nitpicking is what I'm looking for. The more people I get to look at the rules and tear it apart the better the final product will be, that's my view on it.

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