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My pitch

9 replies [Last post]
Fri, 05/13/2016 - 16:02
djayshaggy
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Joined: 04/21/2016

What do you think of this 1 minute pitch? I've timed it, and saying it fairly casually takes me between 45 and 55 seconds. I'm currently call it H.O.M.E., but I'm still testing that one to see what people think.

HOME is a cooperative game for 2 to 4 players about a home automation AI that has gone rogue and locked everyone inside.
The goal of the game is to find the creator and get out of the house alive.
Players choose from 5 characters with unique abilities and navigate through 24 randomly placed, shifting rooms, most of which contain unique characteristics.
Along the way, players collect resources which they can use to help themselves survive and avoid getting caught by the home's AI.
All of the game's systems are based around risk/reward, as the same resources used to survive are also the ones needed to perform various required objectives along the way, and nearly every action, even one as simple and necessary as revealing a room, has a potential consequence.
With free form action-based gameplay including an action-sharing mechanic, players can work together when necessary to help guarantee they meet their goal.

Does this pique your interest? Is it too much information? Not enough? Does it make the game sound original? Does it leave you wanting to know more or just bore or confuse you?

As always, any input you can give would be greatly appreciated.

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Fri, 05/13/2016 - 16:29
#1
andymakespasta
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Joined: 07/26/2015
Sounds interesting. My

Sounds interesting. My feelings on this pitch:
Pros:
I can envision the basics of how your game will play.
Lots of information on style of play.
Interesting theme.
Cons:
Not enough details on theme, will there be killer refrigerators that trap you? flying blenders to tear your face off? evil toasters that shoot flaming toast? No sense of how dangerous the AI is.
What is the creator? Is it a person? is the game pure co-op?
Reminds me of betrayal at house on hill.

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Fri, 05/13/2016 - 21:59
#2
Jazylax
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It sounds like so much fun!

It sounds like so much fun! But like my friend below said, I think you do need to explain what kind of dangers the players will be facing throughout the gameplay. Also maybe shortening a bit of the explanation of gameplay could help too. You should also I think mention what kind of characters we can play as :) Looking to hear more from this!

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Fri, 05/13/2016 - 23:39
#3
Corsaire
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Not too bad, needs to mention

Not too bad, needs to mention game length and general sense of the target audience if this is an elevator pitch to a publisher. Tom Vasel did some interviews with publishers, and those were consistent. I recall some of them waniting to estimate cost, so more on components like dice and cards could be useful.

Also, home automation AI gone wrong and find the creator don't make sense to me. Either it's gone wrong or someone has set me up in this trap.

Finally as a player I like to hear a strong action second person lead in. "You are trapped in a..."

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Sun, 05/15/2016 - 11:06
#4
tensilvercoins
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I really like the idea of

I really like the idea of this, but I'm a little confused: how "big" is this house? Is it a mansion? Is it small? If it's a mansion, with say, eight rooms, and within one of these rooms is the "creator", then that could be fun.

If the "creator" is a person, I would suggest you change it to a device. So say the AI has a "brain" that needs to be destroyed, but getting to that brain is going to require resources. That makes more sense other than "there is a person and he's made this AI go wrong".

Make the world feel bigger. It's too narrow right now, and a little flat. Give it some life and world-building.

That being said, everything else I really like. The resources, the risk/rewards, the gameplay itself. It could be exciting if done right.

Also, how would the rooms be randomized, though? Through cards?

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Sun, 05/15/2016 - 16:39
#5
Midnight_Carnival
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reminds me of that sliding game

I'd love you to do more on this and then I'd one day hopefully play it.

Some thoughts:
As you have described it, it would make a great computer or board game, what features does your game have which would specifically suit it to board game play?

Do your remember that game where there are rooms which slide and the player can move them around and travel between them in order to get their little man to the exit? your game reminded me of that and also a little of the game fizbhan was working on with the dungeon type tiles.
Is the home design 'fixed' or does the home change (quite possible if a demented ai were in charge of it)?

I'm intrigued by games which have a cooperative-competitive dynamic to them, where players can get further by cooperating but could just as easily stab each other in the back and use the corpse of their former friend as a stepping stone. I was wondering whether your game would incorporate such a dynamic or whether it would simply be better to always cooperate.

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Sun, 05/15/2016 - 16:47
#6
Zag24
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Joined: 03/02/2014
My edits, taking into account

My edits, taking into account some of the earlier comments plus some of my own. Anything in parens is a note to you and not part of the text. Stuff in brackets is where you should pick the right choice.

---------------

HOME is a 60-90 minute (or whatever's correct) cooperative game for 2 to 4 players about a home automation AI that has gone rogue. [The tone is light-hearted and amusing, hitting every ridiculous trope from computers-gone-rogue movies. -OR- The tone is gritty and suspenseful, capturing the tension of computers-gone-rogue movies.]

Your goal as players is to [rescue the beseiged creator / capture the insane creator], shut down the computer, and escape.

Choose from 8 specialized characters, such as hacker, gymnast, or cop. (5 is too few for a choice, since there are 4 players. You need at least 8, and 10 would be better.) Navigate through randomly-placed, shifting rooms, with unique challenges in each. You must collect and selectively use resources to survive and to avoid getting caught by the home's defenses.

All of the game's mechanics are based around risk/reward, as the resources needed to survive are the same ones used to perform objectives. Nearly every action, even one as simple as revealing a room, has a potential consequence. With free-form, action-based gameplay including an action sharing mechanic, players work together to meet their goal.

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Sun, 05/15/2016 - 16:43
#7
Zag24
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Accidental double post.

Accidental double post. It's odd that I can edit but not delete a note I wrote.

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Sun, 05/15/2016 - 16:47
#8
questccg
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Zag24 wrote:Accidental double

Zag24 wrote:
Accidental double post. It's odd that I can edit but not delete a note I wrote.

Forum Policy: we don't want people "deleting content". Add/Update only. That's what Rich told me... Otherwise too many people will be deleting stuff and we're not to sure how the integrity of the forum will be preserved.

If somebody writes something derogatory or offensive, we can EDIT the post... but not delete it.

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Sun, 05/15/2016 - 18:06
#9
djayshaggy
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Joined: 04/21/2016
Wow. So much good feedback.

Wow. So much good feedback. So many different ideas, some reflective of the current game, and others worth keeping in mind. I don't currently have time to reply to everything, but I plan to give a more detailed response son. I just wanted to say thanks and add a couple odd notes here.
My target audience of the game is gateway gamers. I am planning, though, on expanding the theme and gameplay through a backstory, alternate gameplay and expansion. Currently, I plan to have a "Jr" mode, and I want to take a lot of my feedback into building an expansion geared toward more hardcore gamers with added complexity and expansion on the theme and humor of the game.
This pitch is an elevator pitch meant for publishers. Unfortunately, you can't just explain everything in that kind of pitch, so I want to make sure I get what I need across about what makes this game stand out.
I will have to come up with a concise pitch for gamers, though, that really conveys more of the theme and how it's implemented.

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