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Suggestions requested for a Kickstarter page

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joebergmann
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Hey guys,

Like Harmon89, I too am launching a Kickstarter soon. Mine is for my game City Park, and will be launching on the 6th.

Here is a link to the preview page:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1544419767/114027059?ref=362894&tok...

As with Harmon89, any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you very much!

Joe

Mosker
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Text feedback

Morning Joe,

(I'm going to let the KS vets focus on the videos, arrangement of data, and other such details.)

1. The bold black fat font must go.

2. I'll be happy to edit, tweak and tighten the text throughout, (talk to evansmind244 for a recommendation) if you send me a file as I cannot select and copy from the page. My biggest concern right now is the ratio of information--specifically game to everything else (backstory etc.). The font exacerbates this problem.

The game looks clean, quick, simple, and well-tested: happy to help make your pitch reflect that.

joebergmann
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Thank you for the post!

I have had comments on the font a couple of times now. Suggestion taken!

Are you saying I need more game information and/or less backstory, etc.? I will PM you a copy of the current text and would welcome any suggestions you have!

Thank you very much!

WinsmithGames
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Hey Joe Here are my

Hey Joe

Here are my thoughts:

  • The order of information in the video is confusing. You start by introducing the game and yourself. Then you give the brief elevator pitch. Then you give the backstory of how you came up with the game idea. Then you go further into the game. This doesn't flow well.
  • In the video, you mention the game has a great deal of replayability, is easy to learn, and fun to play. I'd let the game speak for itself, instead of trying to state your own, subjective opinions.
  • To be honest, the video looks like it was done by an amateur. And that hurts the appearance and sale of your game.

I didn't go through the entire KS page, but I would highly recommend consulting with someone who has experience with successful Kickstarters.

I don't mean any disrespect, but want your game to be the most successful it can. In my opinion, the quality of your video will detract from your ability to get backers.

Please keep us in the loop. Best of luck!
David

joebergmann
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Thank you David!

No disrespect taken! I appreciate your input. I am working on better video this week!

Thank you!

Joe

WinsmithGames
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Awesome! Keep us in the

Awesome! Keep us in the loop.

joebergmann
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Continuing changes!

Thanks to Mosker, and Winsmith Games, I have been updating the Kickstarter page pretty much daily. I have gotten two (p)review videos and I am working on improving the look and content of the campaign. This has been a great learning experience for me, and I thank all who have helped. As my first campaign, I am hopeful for success, but also realize that I've learned so much that can be applied to future campaigns! It is definitely worth going through the process. Thank you guys!

harmon89
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Just wanted to say the page

Just wanted to say the page is looking SO much better with the regular font. :-)

Keep up the good work!

WinsmithGames
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Hey Joe Some more

Hey Joe

Some more thoughts:

  • The video looks so much better than before. I like how you chose to go with no audible talking, but instead use a gentle park-style music (especially as you go through a silent play through). The music matches the look and calming theme of the game.
  • I like the beginning immediately showing the picture of the park where you created the game.
  • "City Park is a fun, fast, family-friendly card laying game about designing a city park. It plays up to 6 people. It's easy to learn." To be honest, that description just comes across very bland. It doesn't give the game a lot of life. I don't have any particular suggestions to revise it, but I would revise it.

Also, you should revise the "How To Play" to be more concise and clear. My thoughts:

-Revise 1 to, "Give each player a Reference Card."
-Revise 3 to, "Each player selects and places a Scoring Cube on Zero."
-Revise 4 to, "The last player to visit a park starts."
-Revise 5 to, "Shuffle all game cards and deal 2 to each player." (It doesn't have to be Player 1.)

Honestly, since the setup is so illustrative, it would look better as a graphic, to SHOW how simple the setup is. (Also, the text is too large. The setup takes up a huge chunk of the computer screen, which goes against the concept of it being "simple".)

Your description of "Shipping" is very negative. You are basically telling the consumer that there will likely be issues with shipping and it's making your game significantly more expensive.
If shipping is expensive, I'd have as little discussion about shipping as possible. Just give the numbers and be done with it. (Although, you should keep the sentences about not being EU/AU friendly... that's important information for potential backers.)

It looks much better than it did before. Keep up the good work!
David

joebergmann
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Thank you David!

Hey David!

Thank you for the continuing feedback! It's getting there!

I appreciate your help,

Joe

joebergmann
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Font choice

It looks WAY better, doesn't it? Mosker was right! :)

As an engineer by trade, I'm not the greatest at graphic design, but that's ok!

I'm really doing all this because I've always wanted to. I must confess, I feel quite a bit out of my depth in Kickstarter. It's amazing what some of the campaigns look like! (cough, cough, Portals and Prophets, cough, cough) I'm doing my best with the resources I have (me). :)

The help I've gotten from this site has been awesome! I'm learning so much! Maybe this first try on Kickstarter won't make it, but I'm pretty sure the next will! I've learned A LOT. And, I am the type who has to run into the wall before I learn something, so I had to go for it!

Thank you all!

Joe

WinsmithGames
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What kind of engineering are

What kind of engineering are you in? I'm an environmental engineer, so I understand. Graphics are definitely not my forte.

You are doing this for all of the RIGHT reasons. The number one reason you should do something is because you want to. Too many people don't do the things they want out of fear of rejection or public perception.

So I commend you greatly for knowing your limitations and taking the time, energy, and resources to do what you love. Seriously, kudos to you. That is inspirational!

There's nothing wrong with being out of your depth in Kickstarter. No one would expect everyone to be good at everything. The best part of our industry is that there are a lot of people who know a lot about Kickstarter, so you are doing the right thing by seeking advice.

Now, I also don't know that much about Kickstarter, so most of my advice is very basic. Which is why my recommendations are moreso to find the people that do know.

We all want to publish our own games. And we all want the industry to grow and succeed. And we all recognize that when we help others, they are likely to return the favor.

It's not as selfish as it sounds, honestly, but we definitely want you to succeed. Best of luck!
David

joebergmann
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Thanks David!

By education I'm a Mechanical Engineer and Physicist. In practice I'm a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Controls Engineer, and Programmer. The closest I get to artistic is making programs that are efficient and clean. :)

I think that's why my games, so far, are all pretty "simple". I'm hoping to build up to more complex games, but that's down the road.

This site has been awesome! People have been very friendly, honest, and helpful. I'm really glad to be part of it!

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