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Spectrum Force Sales Sheet wanting feedback and some proofreading

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Adam Leamey
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Joined: 02/23/2017

I have finished my first draft of my Sales Sheet for Spectrum Force. I have taken in some feedback and advice I have had thus far but wanted some opinions and feedback to ensure it hits the mark.

The following is a link to the folder it is the file named new sheet.png
the other pictures are what I am using for the sales sheet.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B6qkvWCihkRHUjFLam1pa3VNdlU?usp=...

questccg
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Hmm...

A bunch of information ... but the MOST important part is missing: THE HOOK!

While I understand you want to clearly describe the nature of the game, you need to put in a HOOK to try to incite people to want to ASK "Questions"... Like: "Hmm... Sounds interesting I want to read more."

I would remove Gameplay and Escalation and merge that into a HOOK (where you would describe what's SPECIAL or UNIQUE about your game...)

I would KEEP the Scenario section but adjust the font on the bullet points since it seems a little small. Basically you would have from the start of the old Escalation paragraph to the bottom to describe the Scenario section. I would call it "REPLAYABILITY" (instead of Scenario)! That's also something IMPORTANT to emphasize because it adds VALUE to the game.

So REPLACE "Gameplay" with the HOOK (you have 2 paragraphs to catch the eye of the reader/publisher) and remove the Escalation section and replace with the "REPLAYABILITY" section (with clearer fonts for bullet points). My suggestion with this is with the EXTRA SPACE, make it all the same FONT... It's confusing when there are several fonts...

Cheers.

questccg
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Remember...

Your goal with a SELL SHEET is not to describe everything about the game...

The goal of a SELL SHEET is to "interest the reader in wanting to LEARN MORE!"

So when you e-mail a potential Publisher, when they read the sell sheet, you want them to be like: "Ok... sounds like this game has something unique we could market. We want to learn more..."

And then THEY contact YOU... instead of it being always the other way around!

You are of course free to e-mail multiple parties about your game - but I would warn the reader that you have sent it out to multiple parties... In a way this builds a bit of "incentive to ACT NOW!"

It's got to be FLASHIER, more SALES oriented than just description of the gameplay... (which combines both the gameplay and escalation sections)...

Cheers.

Adam Leamey
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Joined: 02/23/2017
Thank you for the feedback I

Thank you for the feedback I have updated the google drive with a new version of my sales sheet having taken your feedback and some others. Hopefully this will be a bit closer to the mark thank you Quest for your excellent feedback.

ssm
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Before I answer; what are you

Before I answer; what are you really looking for?
Do you want grammar & punctuation corrected? The flow of the writing? Everything?

Adam Leamey
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Joined: 02/23/2017
I have my most recent version

I have my most recent version up now, I was wanting to just get general feedback it terms of layout, design and information. I am wanting the sales sheet to be appealing so I guess advice in that area.

JohnBrieger
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General Design Advice

The good: Often, you see sales sheets that are leaving off critical info: E.G. player count, components. You've got all that! But to make your sales sheet more appealing, it needs to show and demonstrate the value of your game at a glance.

QuestCCG got at it when he was saying you needed more hook, but now, the hook might be in there, but it's lost with too much other information. He hit the nail on the head in that it is about the fast salesmanship more than about providing a complete description.

Broadly, you've got too much text and it's laid out without strong hierarchy. Hierarchy is a graphic design principle that is about controlling the flow of a reader through the page. It helps make sure people are reading elements in roughly the order you'd like them to, and that the elements that are the most important are getting the most attention. If you are curious, here's a really nice little article on the basics of creating typographic hierarchies.

My #1 piece of advice for you is to cut some content and focus on establishing a strong hierarchy for the contents of your sheet.

Let's look at the elements you have listed on your sheet:

Title
Illustration
Feature List
Player, Time, Age
Story Callout
Photo of prototype
Game Overview
Game Rules Overview (cont)
Game Feature Callout (under photo)
Component list
Contact info

Of these, you can likely cut the additional feature callout, and re-rewrite or combine the two game overview sections into a single section. This gives you a lot more space to breathe and lay out elements on the page.

Looking at other ways to create a smoother flow, you have poor contrast by using a tan/gold font color. Stronger contrast will increase readability.

In lists, you have headings and body copy at the same font weight (Bold). Instead, consider having the title of the list in the heavy weight, and the body of the list in the regular weight.

e.g.

Components
1 Rulebook
1 Scenario Book
...etc

Other headings you have, like Contact Info, can be given similar treatment.

Broadly, your elements on the page don't have enough breathing room. They are a little too packed together, which makes it harder for reader's eyes to figure out where to look.

One other thing to note is "Health Tracker" is not a generic type of component, and can be implemented many ways. As you have 17 of them in your game, it might be worth saying something like: "17 Health tracker boards" or "17 health tracker dials" or however you've intended it to be implemented. The publisher is reading the component list to get a sense of how big/expensive to produce your game might be, so you want to give them some indication.

Happy to provide some more design guidance if you'd like, but this comment was already getting quite long.

- John

ssm
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They are both very right. You

They are both very right.
You are thinking about your game too much. Think instead how fun & exciting it is.

What makes you buy something that you just came across in a store? What could someone put on the back of the box for your game to make you get excited about it?
How to play is boring.
How something works is boring.

What feeling does it give you?
"Welcome to Spectrum Force - a co-operative......"
Try to 'punch' it up a little.
"Welcome to Spectrum Force kid.... You always thought you could do better than the Power Rangers...well, now is your chance...if you survive."

You want to challenge, evoke a memory, immediately grab their imagination, and keep some things from them.
A great way to get your head around writing this type of thing is to grab a few books you are very familiar with and read the backs of them. What do they tell you? What is held back? How do they get you excited to open it & start reading? It is a tough balance to nail.

Check out this. It may help.

Adam Leamey
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Thank you both for the

Thank you both for the feedback I will have a look at the links given and take in the advice as well it is most appreciated.

questccg
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Why on Earth did you...

Use such a lousy FONT COLOR: Yellow Ochre? It doesn't need to be Black - it could be a darker blue or dark grey... Blue is a more neutral color... I would substitute the Yellow for some color of "Blue".

And you made a typo: minuets instead of minutes.

Just some psychology to color:

-Dull (dingy) yellow represents caution, decay, sickness, and jealousy.

-Light blue is associated with health, healing, tranquility, understanding, and softness.
-Dark blue represents knowledge, power, integrity, and seriousness.

The Yellow is also "harder to read"... That was my first concern. And then I remembered someone saying that Yellow was associated with cowardice.

And that's why in my own game - I was going to use a Yellow dice (For a Faction) and instead chose Purple (Purple is associated with royalty. It symbolizes power, nobility, luxury, and ambition).

Hey - I don't invent this stuff; I just read about it... Them the rules.

Cheers!


In my case this color was for the Fourth (4th) Faction. When you think of 4... you don't think of Victory. Uh... well -- You think coming in 4th! LOL And since one was Red (Leadership, Courage), one was Blue (Power, Integrity), one was Green (Ambition, Greed) ... and then #4??? I wanted something "Pure" since the Faction is all about Freedom and the dream of Valhalla. So it was Purple.

Anyways best of luck(?!) with your game.

I really like the Power-Ranger theme (or the Japanese Super Sentai shows)!


Oh and if you wonder WHY I chose Green (Ambition, Greed) it's because that Faction are kind of the "Bad Guys" ... so to speak. The Covenant are technologically advanced - and can steal weaponry cards from destroyed starships... but they are also power-hungry and seek to dominate the other factions.

So if anyone likes playing the "Bad Guys" - there is a Faction for everyone's liking! LOL

Glass shoe games
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questccg wrote:Use such a

questccg wrote:
Use such a lousy FONT COLOR: Yellow Ochre? It doesn't need to be Black - it could be a darker blue or dark grey... Blue is a more neutral color... I would substitute the Yellow for some color of "Blue".

And you made a typo: minuets instead of minutes.

Just some psychology to color:

-Dull (dingy) yellow represents caution, decay, sickness, and jealousy.

-Light blue is associated with health, healing, tranquility, understanding, and softness.
-Dark blue represents knowledge, power, integrity, and seriousness.

The Yellow is also "harder to read"... That was my first concern. And then I remembered someone saying that Yellow was associated with cowardice.

And that's why in my own game - I was going to use a Yellow dice (For a Faction) and instead chose Purple (Purple is associated with royalty. It symbolizes power, nobility, luxury, and ambition).

Hey - I don't invent this stuff; I just read about it... Them the rules.

Cheers!

I second this. I don't want to sound rude but the color destroys my eyes and I cant get past the first sentence.

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