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iBOT - international Bank Of Thieves

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Realdeo
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Joined: 05/18/2017

Hello :)

I hope that you would be able to help me to proofread the rules that I have created for my game here

It's a micro bluffing and hand management game for 2 - 4 players. I should not describe my game even further or else it's not the rule doing its job but me explaining.

There are 3 pressure points for me:

1. Is the narrative presented at the beginning of the game is suitable?

2. You would notice that I haven't put picture of game components. That's intentional. Given this is a micro game, if my rule can't speak without picture, I am in a danger.

3. Does the 2 players variant make senses?

Can't wait for your input and adivces =)

mindspike
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Joined: 09/06/2011
Clearly stated.

I think you did a good job explaining the rules. Regarding your three pressure points:

1. Yes, I think the narrative suits the game well. It's an amusing story.

2. I understood the rules clearly without pictures.

3. The 2 player variant does make sense, but I don't really see a need for it.

It's an interesting little game. I hope you continue to work on it and refine the play.

Suggestions:

I'd like to see the bluffing be developed a bit more by giving players the opportunity to declare why they are there and then call each other's bluff.

I like the escalating die that requires increasing amounts of money to be put in the bank.

I'd like to see the bankruptcy end condition replaced with a simple score tracker, so that the game is played to a certain number of rounds and then players score their banked money.

Overall, it's simple and appealing.

Realdeo
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Joined: 05/18/2017
Thank you for the advice. For

Thank you for the advice.

For the suggestions, I should try to incorporate the first two into my future play testing (although I'm still drawing blank on the first one on how to make it thematic)

The third one however. One of the reason why I decide to use bankruptcy instead of certain numbers of rounds was for three reasons:

1. Player elimination sucks even in a micro game.

2. The sudden bankruptcy is there to prevent absolute alliance. Without that rule, A can gang up with B and C to attack D until oblivion before having a battle royale. With that rule, even if player allies, they have an incentive to betray or to be selfish since they cannot attack D until oblivion since if they do, the game ends. If they are too committed to allying without taking care of their own, the alliance is futile.

3. I just want to insert an insert dose of WTF moment that can happen when the game ends suddenly. Most of the memorable moments from playtesting usually comes when A is safe at $8, but A played Steal while the other three played Secure and the fine was at $3.

Vindexus
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Joined: 06/20/2017
Hi! I'm gonna go through and

Hi! I'm gonna go through and focus the grammar instead of the structure of the rules. One important thing you should put at the very beginning is "How do I win?" section. It can be inferred that the goal is to get the most money, but you should be explicit early on.

Quote:
Where do thieves go after they steal money from the bank? They created the

The change in verb tense from "do" to "created" seems kind of awkward to me. You ask what they do then answer with what they did. Maybe something like "Where do thieves go after they steal money from the bank? They go to the International Bank of Thief, the most secure super-bank in the world."

Quote:
international Bank of Thief

The I should be capitalized. It also makes more grammatical sense for it to be Bank of Thieves or Bank of Thievery. I can't point to the particular rule, but a singular countable noun seems odd there. Think "International House of Pancake". I can totally understand not wanting to change the entire name of a game though!

Quote:
There’s one problem.

I'd probably remove this. It's not really a problem that I want to rob the bank, that's the point of the game.

Quote:
Since you are a thief--naturally--you

The "naturally" should probably come after "you" otherwise it's saying that you are naturally a thief, not that you naturally want to steal because you're a thief. You should probably also use an em dash instead of two hyphens here. http://www.thepunctuationguide.com/em-dash.html

Quote:
You craft your plan, see everything clicks into the big picture.

"You craft your plan, seeing everything click into the big picture."

I think "click into place" probably works better than "into the big picture" as well.

Quote:
May the richest player thief wins.

Change "wins" to "win".

Quote:
Give each thief 8 money cards. This must be visible all the time to other thieves.

Change This to These.

Quote:
In a 4 thieves game, set the die at 1. In a 3 thieves game, set the die at 2. In a thieves game, set the die at 3.

Missing the "2" before the last "thieves". A table might be clearer here.

Number of Players Die Starting Position
4 1
3 2
2 3

Quote:
Set aside the remaining card by putting them back into the box.

Change "card" to "cards".

Quote:
The game follows the following cycle starting from PICK in a cyclic form.

There is no PICK in the diagram. Did you mean Play?

You can probably drop "in a cyclic form" since you already specified it was a cycle.

Quote:
After everyone is ready, at the count of 3, all thieves who play Deposit must reveal their played card face up. If you played Deposit, you must pay 1 money card and add it to iBOT.

Change play to played. You're also changing from indirect writing (talking about the thieves) to direct writing (using the word "you"). It isn't a huge deal but consistency can be good. I think I have those terms right, but someone can correct me.

I would change "and add it" to "by adding it to". If they are one and the same action then the word "and" implies two actions, causing a bit of confusion.

Quote:
At the count of 3, all thief who didn't pick Deposit must reveal the card they played.

thief to thieves

Quote:
If all remaining thief played Steal

thief to thieves

Quote:
(including the one who played Steal)

If more than one thief can steal then change "the one" to "any".

Quote:
must add 1 money card it to the iBOT.

Remove "it".

Quote:
However, if there is at least 1 thief played Secure,

I'd change to "if at least 1 thief played Secure".

Quote:
As a punishment, each thief who played Steal must pay fine to each thief who played Secure a fine.

Change to "pay a fine" and remove "a fine" from the end.

Quote:
The amount of fine paid is the number indicated at the die.

Add "the" before "fine paid" and change the "at the die" to "on the die" or "by the die".

In your examples I think you should include how many players there are in each example. Also change the title "Example" to "Examples".

Quote:
2 thieves didn't play Deposit.

When starting sentences with a number you should write it out as "two" instead of using digits.

Quote:
Both turned out to played Steal

Just "Both played Steal" is cleaner.

Quote:
Afterward, all thief

thief to thieves

Quote:
into the iBOT.

You should be consistent throughout with whether it's "the iBOT" or just "iBOT".

Quote:
Afterward, all thief

thief to thieves

Quote:
must deposit one money token

Change token to card.

Quote:
Played action card are discarded by putting them aside.

Card to cards.

Quote:
The discarded token must be set in a certain way that other players can track what token have you played easily.

Change all "token" to "card".

You should be explicit about how they are displayed. Maybe just tell players that all discarded cards must be placed face up in front of them.

Quote:
Discarded action card cannot be played anymore.

card to cards

Quote:
If you ran out of certain kind of action card, you can't play that action anymore.

Change "ran" to "run". I'd also say "you can't take that action anymore." You generally play cards, and take actions.

Quote:
If you run out of Steal card, you no longer can steal. You only have 3 bullets to Secure and 3 bullets to Steal.

Change card to cards, add "can" before "no longer". The use of the word bullet seems strange to me here. You're going for bullets as ammo, or shots you can take, right? I'd say "You only have 3 chances" or "3 attempts" or "3 tries".

Quote:
Use it wisely.

Change "it" to "them".

Quote:
Run out of action card

Change card to cards.

Quote:
When players run out of card

Change card to cards.

Quote:
If a thief fails to pay

I'd change to "If a thief is unable to pay" or "If a thief does not have enough money to pay".

Quote:
The bankrupt thief pays nothing at all and simply discards his/her remaining asset.

What does asset mean in this context?

Quote:
A player with zero money

Change to "zero money cards" or "no money", as money isn't a countable noun.

Quote:
One only bankrupt when one can’t pay.

I think changing to more direct language could help. "You are only bankrupt when you can't pay."

Quote:
The thief must pay 3 money cards but only have 2.

Change have to has.

Quote:
(You start the game richer than iBOT and now the iBOT is richer than you? What kind of incompetent thief are you?)

I love this haha.

Quote:
Two thieves’ variant.

I don't think you need the apostrophe, as "two thieves" is a descriptor here and not possessive.


This sounds like a pretty fun game! I hope my feedback was helpful.

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