As soon as I saw the name and artwork for Holey Cow! (Briarpatch, 2005 - P. Joseph Shumaker, Jr.), I was sure that I would enjoy the game. I'm a fan of silliness and uniqueness, and the artwork in this game is certainly that. The idea of matching holes is nothing new (Treasure Quest) and neither is the idea of bluffing (Liar's Dice). Matching them together with a cute theme seems like a cinch for an excellent, light game.
But it just doesn't work. There's no need to bluff when you have a great match up in your hand, so players are simply blindly guessing each turn. One player can get an insurmountable lead, and the others might as well never catch up. In one game, with a group of teens, I tried to slog through an entire game, because I was having a bit of fun with the mechanics, but the kids threw their cards down in disgust halfway through. Holey Cow! will have some fans, mostly because the idea of matching holes in cows is a fun one, but anyone looking for satisfying gameplay will probably be disappointed.
A scoreboard is placed on the table, with a track from one to fifty - each player taking a cow token of their color and placing it on the start space. Thirty cow cards are dealt out evenly to all the players, who place them face-down in a pile in front of them. Each cow card shows a picture of a cow that is split into two sections - the head and the tail. Each section has five to seven holes punched in it in various locations. The first round is ready to begin, as one player is chosen to go first.
During a round, each player grabs the top two cards of their pile, putting one in front of them, and passing the other to the player on their left. The person whose turn it is calls out "Heads", "Tails", or "Betsy." Players take the two cards that they have received and match them up, counting the holes in the section mentioned by the player ("Betsy" means the entire cow). Each hole that matches up on the two cards is an "open" hole. Players must ascertain whether they have more or fewer holes than other players. If a player thinks they have the most open holes, they yell "Holey Cow!"'; while shouting "Yeloh Woc" (backwards) if they think they have the fewest open holes. Players are not required to say anything.
Whoever shouts out either phrase first becomes the "Bull" for that round. Everyone then compares the amount of open holes in their cows. If the "Bull" was correct (they have the most or least - whatever they said), then they add all of the total open holes together and move their cow that many spaces on the score board. If they were incorrect, then all of the other players receive points equal to the sum of the open holes. In case of a tie, all players but the tied players receive points. Players then put both cow cards at the bottom of their piles, and the next round begins. Play continues until one player has garnished fifty points, in which case they become the winner!
Some comments on the game…
1.) Components: The cow cards are really cool - each showing some kind of thematically designed cow. For example, the "Cash Cow" has a big dollar bill painted all over it, the "Cowctus" has thorns protruding from all over its body, and the "Gumball Machine" is full of gumballs. The cards are thick, and the holes easy to punch out in the beginning, although it does make a bit of a mess. The card holes line up perfectly, and the idea works as coolly as it sounds. The scoring board is less than impressive, simply a folded piece of paper. The cow tokens are similarly cheap feeling, as they are thin, round cardboard counters. The tokens and board provide a stark contrast to the cards, which are good quality, with tremendous artwork, from "CowParade". Everything fits very easily into a small box, although a plastic bag for the counters is probably necessary.
2.) Rules: The rules are printed on four small pages, with some illustrations and examples. The game is pretty easy to understand (although some people have trouble saying "Yeloh Woc!" Kids and adults have both understood the explanation of the game in only about a minute, so it's certainly not a complicated game.
3.) Bluffing: Obviously the game is attempting to achieve a level of tension between players, as they must quickly strive to guess if they have more holes than anyone else. But the simple fact is that you really don't have a clue as to whether or not you have the most or least holes. If you have six open holes, it's pretty much a cinch that you have the most, but not necessarily. If you have no open holes, the same thing occurs. But really, you have NO idea. So the game devolves into one where the player who is the luckiest guesser is the winner. And the "Bull" is probably in the worst position; because if they are wrong, ALL other players get points. So it's almost always best NOT to become the "Bull". This means that in most cases, players stare at each other until finally someone cracks and shouts out a phrase. This is not the means to a good game, because players really have no information about other player's cows. The only time you are sure is when you have a LOT or NO holes, and even then you could be wrong. Whee! What fun!
4.) Head/Tail: Picking the head, the tail, or the whole cow makes no difference - except the number of holes. It's a meaningless choice that players can make so that they feel better.
5.) Fun Factor: At first, the game feels fun. Players shout out "Holey Cow", compare holes, and they're laughing as players move their cows on the scoring track. Quickly, however, it sinks in to players that they really don't have any meaningful decisions, and that the luckiest person is going to win. At that point, the fun factor dies.
I know that someone probably saw the CowParade artwork, and thought - "Hey! - that would make a neat game." And as interesting and cool as the artwork is, the cool game is not here. Matching the holes in cards up sounds like it could make for a cool game. If there were a bidding process, like in Liar's Dice, that would allow players to better gauge their opponents. As it is, they simply must guess. And that's only fun once.
Tom Vasel
"Real men play board games"
www.tomvasel.com
