Hi. I'm from Sweden so my English isn't prefect. If you want to you can mark things that’s bad or strange and send the file to me. joakim.thunborg(at)gmail.com
All help is welcomed. // Pim
plz proofreading for Space Koggs
Sun, 04/05/2015 - 07:33
Sun, 04/05/2015 - 09:13
#1
Clever Idea
Pim,
As the market received a glut of similar type games (trivia, war, 4X space, demolition derby, etc) over the past 15 years, I recommend a review of BoardGameGeek's list and conduct some research on this type of game. I've read through the rules, and while they appear straightforward, I offer the following advice:
- Define a "Kogg" immediately at the beginning of the rules. While I know most Eurogames lack any real theme and prefer to jump into the mechanics, I strongly recommend that you define this term and provide some back story to why the player should care.
- At 30-min, for 8+, this falls squarely into a filler-game role, not the night's event. To that end, 13 pages of rules is excessive. After 30 years of gaming and five years of development work, I've found few (very, very few) designers who can write well. When it comes to rules, parsimony is your friend. Say more with less.
- Beyond "bad" or "strange" ~ if there were simply awkward phrases, that's fairly easy to fix. In your rules, while the ideas are conveyed, you'll need to hire an editor to correct the English (use of present tense with a past participle, ending sentences with prepositions, etc.) and make it clear, cogent, and above all, concise.
My most beloved "demolition" game of all times, "Car Wars" by Steve Jackson is over 35 years old...it's a classic for a reason. Definitely conduct research on this genre, work with an editor to clean/clarify/condense the rules, and you'll have a clever little game.
Cheers,
Joe
Sun, 04/05/2015 - 16:36
#2
I agree with The Professor
I agree with The Professor that you will need to pay for an actual editor once you have finalized your game. Asking for free proofreading online is like soliciting stick figures for your illustrations. The level of revision needed here goes beyond a few suggestions, and a good editor will also help condense your instructions into fewer pages, as was also suggested.
Car Wars though . . . as with many things, Car Wars is a classic because there was nothing better available at the time. Researching the genre back then meant watching Mad Max, which the CW setting is derivative of to the point of being inconsequential. Steve Jackson did his research on cars, but technical accuracy trumps enjoyment and ease of play every time. While the rules may have been clearly written, they were poorly condensed over the years, and have yet to be revised. It is a fine game compared to the TSR or Avalon Hill titles of its day, but it is not a good game to use as an example here, as it doesn't even fit the criteria that you are suggesting. Sure, you or I would buy the new stuff for nostalgia's sake, but the professional standard for games has been raised since the heyday of auto-dueling.
