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Proofreading: Cards

4 replies [Last post]
Joined: 12/08/2015

Hey BGDF Community,

it would be great if you could have a look at the action cards for the game I'm currently working on:

I'm especially interested if it's easy (possible) to understand what the cards are doing, and if you have any suggestions for better (shorter) wording. Of course pointing out typos and grammar issues would be great as well!

Thanks for your time,


radioactivemouse's picture
Joined: 07/08/2013
Like what you've got so far.

There's a few things I would consider changing to add to readability:

Shadow Walk/Dash. I would consider using something simpler for both. I'd keep the silhouetted figure in dash, have them for both (hence "shadow"), but have possibly a black lightning bolt for dash and a walking pose as the shadow walk. The reason I say this is that the shadow walk icon in the text just seems like a mistake instead of the shadow walk icon. You want easy readability.

Speaking of which, I'd try some kind of halo around a character's head to symbolize Blessing because it looks too much like Charm (I know you flipped them to look different, but still looks the same).

Zap could use some simplifying.

Is it Parade or Parry? Should be "Parry" in my opinion.

Portal looks too much like the portal in the video game Portal. Consider using additives like lightning bolts or use a different color other than blue or orange (unless you're purposely trying to easter egg it).

Teleport doesn't need the smaller second picture to illustrate the teleport. Less is more.

Taunt looks hilarious, but if you're trying to cater to a wider audience, try something using all the fingers like The Rock in this pic:

Everything else looks cool. I like the bold lines to emphasize the action. It's just some of the actions are a little too detailed and could use some pairing down.

I Will Never Gr...
I Will Never Grow Up Gaming's picture
Joined: 04/23/2015
In addition to what RadioactiveMouse stated..

I'd make some of these changes to the texts. Some slight rewordings and reduction in words where possible (not knowing the game well). Take or leave any of these suggestions as you wish :)

- Shuriken Strike needs some description, doesn't it?

- Shadow Walk
"Replace the Assassin with two Shadow Walk Tokens face down. These tokens move up to 3 spaces and are treated as friendly heroes that cannot control or prevent control of objectives. At the start of the next activation, or if targeted by an action reveal both tokens. Replace (symbol) with Assassin and resolve actions as normal. (symbol2) is removed without further effect". (it's a few less words which this one definitely needs!)

- Backstab
"May only target an enemy hero if your own hero is adjacent and opposite your assassin. Deal 6+. If target is removed, immediately move your Assassin up to 2 spaces"

- Blessing
"Target a friendly hero (not a fairy) in range. Select and place one combat card face down and apply the following effects to the target: (effects)
Opponent may cancel the blessing if they choose a combat card that shows the same symbol"

- Stardust needs something more descriptive than "Swooosh!"?

- Zap
"Immediately place target hero adjacent to your camp"

- Execute
"For each 2+ the Gladiator deals, heal 1+ to your Gladiator" (original wording could be misread as "heal your opponent 1 for each 2 damage you deal")

- Leap Strike
"Immediately place Gladiator within range 2 adjacent to an enemy hero before attacking"

- Parade (?)
"Parry : Use when Gladiator attacked, after combat cards are selected. After attack is resolved place Gladiator within range 2 and place a (symbol) token"

- Portal
"After all action cards are selected Portal replaces one action card in hand. Place (symbol) token on the hero. After scoring, place hero adjacent to his camp and remove all effect markers and wounds. If hero is targeted remove (symbol) token without resolving effects."

- Shunpo
"Prior to attacking, place Samurai within range 2 OR adjacent to any hero with (symbol) token"

- Way of the Hero
"Used when a friendly hero within range 2 is targeted by an attack. Swap places with targeted hero. Attacking enemy receives a (symbol) token. Remove (symbol) token after Samurai's next activation"

- Javelin Strike
"Place target hero up to range 2 directly away from Scout. Stop movement at any blocked space"

- Prowl
"Place (symbol) token on Scout at end of activation. A scout with (symbol) token may not be targeted by enemies, does not block LoS and receives (symbol) on all attack actions. Remove (symbol) immediately if any enemy hero is within range 3"

- Traps
replace "has to stop" with "must stop"

- Teleport
replace "an" with "any"

- Club Strike
"re-place target hero up to range 2 directly away from Troll. If movement reaches a blocked space, stop movement and suffer 3+"

- Fury
Remove the "!"

"Place any one friendly hero within range 2 and adjacent to troll (space must not be occupied)."

-Bait and Dodge
"Use immediately upon Wolfrider being targeted by an enemy action"

Joined: 12/08/2015
thanks a lot to both of you -

thanks a lot to both of you - extremely valuable input you gave me there!
@radioactivemouse: yes, looking at it again I'll definitly will change shadow walk graphics, good point. As far as simplyfying Zap goes, you were talking about the graphics, not the wording, right?

Joined: 12/08/2015
@Iwillnevergrowup I'll


I'll incorporate most of the suggested changes- awesome advice, you gave me there.

You're right with parade (that was what we called false friends in our English lessons back in school..) I'll change it to Parry.

Throw works different and I hope the original wording explains that right:
you take an ally figure that is adjacent to Troll and throw him on a space within range 2 of Troll.

Thanks again,


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