Completely Automated Public Test to tell Computers and Humans Apart: Holiday Edition 2076

by James Ryan (williamj35)

Many folks today complain that its getting harder and harder to tell computers and humans apart. Now that we're all using net-connected cerebral implants to augment reality, and computers can draw on our neural data to create very humanlike representations of themselves in brainspace, some have called this the age of the post-cyborg. We're all computers now, they say.

Of course, this sort of fearmongering is especially concerning during the holidays, when we all just want to sit down around an augmented fireplace with holographic live-chat avatars of our loved ones and share the holiday spirit. This holiday season you wonder whether you’re getting the real thing.

The fact is: you might not be. Have you noticed any of your loved ones talking about gift purchases? Did they start humming seasonal songs before Thanksgiving? Do they tell you about sale items and wear funny looking sweaters? Have they been baking and acting unusually cheery? All these can be signs that your loved ones have become worm-infected members of a spam-launching zombie network designed by devious ad firms to ruin your holiday season. Grandma's avatar may not really be Grandma at all, but a holo-clone generated to promote holiday themed nicknacks and wrapping paper.

Fortunately, CAPTCHA's here to ensure you can relax and have fun this holiday season. Our easy test will help you sort out the augmented reality projections of actual loved ones from the walking, talking spambots. Just follow the directions below at your next family gathering and dismantle the image feed of any avatar who fails. Celebrate, the 100% human way, with this simple, free screening process.

Now, limber up your fingers and get ready to do the one we can still do better than computers: rapid dexterity-puzzle solving!

What you’ll need:

• Playing card augmentation file.
• CAPTCHA’s trademark holo-puzzle block set, holiday themed to suit your traditional holiday.
• Several one-meter segments of augmentation-sensitive holiday gift-wrap ribbon.
• CAPTCHA’s patented desk call bell.
• An even number of loved ones.

Set up:

• Place the unique puzzle block (usually shaped like a Christmas tree or Menorah) in the middle of the table next to the bell.
• Pair up all players. Each player puts their arm closest to their partner on the table. These pairs of arms are tied together at the elbow with the holiday gift-wrap ribbon.
• Each tied pair gets a set of puzzle blocks and places these on the table in front of them.
• Place the stack of playing cards face down next to one team.

Conducting the test:

The procedure for this screening process is simple: one player flips over a card with their free hand, all players rush to complete the task on the card as fast as they can and then ring the bell. The first player who rings the bell after successfully completing the task will be rewarded the number of points shown on the card.

Some tasks are for tied pairs to complete, some are for individuals, and some require that each participant team up with another participant to whom they are not tied. When one member of a team rings a bell after the completion of a team-based task, both members of the team are awarded the number of points on the card.

Important: All tasks must be completed using only arms that are tied at the elbow. Participants caught using their free hand will loose five points and should be considered spambots until they prove otherwise.

After all the cards have been flipped, and all tasks completed, points are totaled. Any player with thirty points or more is not a worm-infested spambot bent on destroying Christmas. Any player with less than thirty points should be unfriended immediately and dismantled if necessary.

Sample tasks:

Build a snow fort with the player next to you to whom you are not tied for 4 points.

The individual player who grabs the unique puzzle block wins 8 points.

Make the tower shown with the player tied to the player sitting directly opposite from you for 10 points. Notice that this shape will require more blocks than one set will allow. You’ll have to collaborate to get your bricks together somehow. (And you’ll face quick competition from the players you both are tied to!) Make sure you redistributed the blocks evenly after this task has been completed.

Thank you for reading this important holiday text alert. Please paste this alert onto all your textual media hubs and share with everyone in your contacts lists. We hope you enjoy this season with CAPTCHA, ensuring human-to-human contact since 2000.

CAPTCHA CAPTURE

by Evil ColSanders

Contents:

1 Game Box
1 Cloth Dice Bag
1 Complete Set of Scrabble Pieces
1 Set of 50 White-painted Popcicle "Captcha" Sticks
1 One, Two, or Three minute sand timer

Setup:

Place the Scrabble Pieces in the Dice Bag.
Mix the Captcha Sticks inside the Game Box.
Setup the Sand Timer and choose your first player.

A Player's Turn and Instruction:

(Normal Game)

One player should be designated to be the Time Watcher. The Active player starts as soon as he flips the sand timer. The player then grabs a Captcha Stick from the box and places it in front of him. The Captcha Stick contains the word which must be spelled out. The player must attempt to retrieve the appropriate letters from the bag. Letters may be retrieved however you like (looking inside the bag, taking out handfuls, etc) but, the letters may only be put on the table one-at-a-time (as fast as possible, I might add. You ARE timed, after all). Letters that are needed are placed below the Captcha Stick. Once all the letters are found, the Captcha Stick is captured and set to the side and all the letters are placed back in the bag. A new Captcha Stick is then drawn and the player must complete Captcha Stick in the same manner. This player's turn continues until time runs out.

If at any time the active player does not wish to capture a Captcha Stick, he may say "Refresh" and select another stick. As an additional optional rule, at any time, the active player may grab the sand timer and turn it upside down and place it on the table. When he does this, he must say, "Captcha Capture" quickly, three times. After this is said, the player returns the timer back to its original position. This gives the player a few precious seconds to find the letters they need.

The Time Watcher announces, "Time" as soon as time has run out. The player must immediately pull his hands from the table or receive no points for the current Captcha Stick. The next player will now start his turn. Once all the players have had a turn, the Round is over. There are 3 Rounds. The game ends and scores are tallied.

Scoring:

Next to the Captcha Stick word, numbers are printed. These indicate the total worth of the Captcha. Add up the captured Captcha Stick points. For every Stick completed, add an additional 5 bonus points. Points are marked on the letter tiles. Add the points from the letters of any incomplete Captcha.

(Advanced Game)

Instead of one Captcha Stick, the players play with two Sticks.
The Player may place letters under both Captchas. Letters may not be shared.
"Refreshing" exchanges both words.
When a player completes and captures one Captcha, the other Captcha is returned to the box and zero bonus points are awarded for the completed Captcha.
When a player completes one Captcha, he may opt to not capture it. If he does, he may attempt to finish the second Captcha. If both are completed, they both may be captured and the player is awarded 15 bonus points. When captured, place one on top of the other to indicate this.